Burning Boats

When I try to think of my childhood, I see flashes of me playing basketball, climbing trees, playing in gutter, jumping from 1st floor of my building, hanging on bars.. I was a daredevil! I could do anything and everything. If someone said something can’t be done, I made sure to give it a try before forming an opinion.

Few days back I had gone for a walk with my friends in colony and we decided to have ice cream. We started walking towards Apna Bazar and realized that entire place around the market was dug out for re-wiring / piping. The pit was quite deep and wide. We started looking for another way while few of my friends jumped over the pit to reach the other side. I too wanted to jump but couldn’t because I was scared. And the fear was so dominant that every time I put a foot forward to jump, I would shiver. I started becoming restless and the fact that I was unable to cross the pit, was driving me crazy. At that moment, I had so many things going in my mind… when did I become this person? Why am I scared? What am I scared of? How did I manage to do such crazy things as a child? Sure, I have physical limitations now; I am not as fit as I was back then. Growing up has made me fearful, cautious and calculative. As a kid, I never analyzed. If I liked something, I just did it, there was no second thought.

Some time back, I read this story about burning boats. “When ancient tribal went to war, if they had to cross a body of water, they would burn their boats once they reached the other side. Then there was no going back. They had to fight or die.” I thought about this and threw my chappal on the other side. I had to cross the pit else this wouldn’t let me sleep peacefully at night. I kept staring at a point where I wanted to land, and jumped. I had tears in my eyes after landing safely on the other side; it was that overwhelming.